bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
