I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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