There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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