Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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