The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
