I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
