YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
