you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
