i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my poor anus
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
