you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
