Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
