Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
