Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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