Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
