Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
