I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
