both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
