i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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