1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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