bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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