my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
