Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Liz is crying about burritos again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
