i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
