it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
