last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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