You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
