shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
