is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
