i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
