I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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