If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
