this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
