she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
