you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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