We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
