so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
