I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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