I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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