The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
