he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
