He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
