I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
