Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
