i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
