It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
