Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
