i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
