your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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