In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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