Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
