i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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