It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
