She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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