Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
